What If I Died

I know - that title is a bit dramatic - trust me, I totally get it, but have you ever wondered what would happen if you died?  Now I'm not talking about the state of my soul, in NO way am I downplaying that, but today I just want to talk about what would happen if I died, in relation to my motherhood.  

I'll apologize before I even begin, because this is about to be a series of random thoughts as I spiral down that rabbit hole of a women's brainstorming meltdown.

A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a headache.  I get a lot of headaches, so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary but I was trying to avoid taking medicine.  I did have to do an announcement at Mass that morning, so finally after a few hours; I gave in and took the pain medicine.  I woke up around 5am, to this itching sensation in my hands.  Quickly, I realized I had the same itching on the bottom of my feet.  It was this crazy burning itch, that no matter the amount of scratching, I received no relief.  Then I noticed it felt like my gums were starting to swell and I was trying to clear my throat, but couldn't.  It wasn't long before the panic began to sink in. I was debating about what to do next.  Do I take Benadryl?  Do I go to the hospital?  Of course I didn't have any Benadryl, that would have been too easy. I quickly woke my husband up and begged him to run to the store, but before he even left I had a thought - what if I was having an allergic reaction and what if I died?  Should I really wait for the Benadryl or just have him rush me to the hospital. All I could think of was my kids.  What would happen to them if I died?  I have an amazing husband, but I kept thinking that I needed to be here to raise them and I decided it was safer to head straight to the hospital.  Once I was inside the lobby I already felt more relieved.  I'm such a worse case scenario person, that I actually thought - well if I stop breathing, at least I'm already in the waiting room.  

I lucked out and the Emergency Room was fairly empty, so they were able to see my rather quickly.  The itching was slowly fading even before they gave me any medicine, but I still think I made the right choice to go.  I ended up being fine within about an hour and was even able to make it to Mass that morning to give my announcement.  So why am I telling all of you this story?  I guarantee it's not to scare you or to panic you, its just simply to remind each of us that we don't know when or where our last moment will occur.  We don't know whom we'll be with or if we'll be able to say goodbye or not.  It's a challenge to each of us, myself included, to make sure that our families and our friends know what they mean to us.  It's an idea - an idea to write a letter to our children about how much we love them, and the traits that we appreciate about them.  A love letter if you will, just in case we don't get to say it ourselves.  

Now I'm about to get a little off topic, but go with me, it will make sense. My birthday was the other day and my kids wanted to get me a gift.  I had sent my husband with them to the grocery store and they had the best idea - they got me a bag of potato chips and wrapped it up.  It was probably one of the most thoughtful gifts I've gotten in a long time.  I know, WHY are potato chips thoughtful?  Girl, trust me, I love pedicure gift certificates as well, but the bag of chips was something that they knew I loved.  When I'm at the grocery store, I usually buy a bag to snack on during the week.  They had taken notice, and they thought to get me something they knew I really enjoyed.  I couldn't express to them how special this gift was, but maybe I'll include a mention of it in my letter to them.  Maybe I'll list some things I know they like, just so they'll realize someone is taking notice of them, even of their favorite foods.  What if you wrote a love letter to your children? What other topics should we include in our love letters?

Copyright 2018 Courtney Vallejo. All Rights Reserved. 

Image Credit: Copyright 2018 Courtney Vallejo. All Right Reserved.