I Love You Because
Happy St. Valentine’s Day! I have been wanting to share a “wifey” idea with you, and as I looked at the calendar, it worked perfectly that my scheduled post landed on St. Valentine’s Day. Honestly, I’m not a big fan of the whole Hallmark holiday that the Catholic feast has become. It points out single people and tells them that they’re missing out on something, or it makes me feel let down when my husband doesn’t make a big deal about the day.
My husband and I began dating in April and were engaged by September, so technically by our first Valentine’s Day, we were already engaged. The night before Valentine’s Day, we were on the phone talking and he told me that he had forgotten it was Valentine’s Day and that he had admittedly blown it. We didn’t live in the same town, and he told me it was too late for him to send flowers. He assured me that we’d celebrate when we saw each other that weekend. Admittedly I felt disappointed, but at least I wouldn’t have my hopes up all day while waiting for a special treat. During my morning teaching prep, I got a call from our school office, asking me to come up. When I walked in the door, there was a huge flower box sitting on the counter. Of course, having an office of full of women, I was required to open the box to show off the flowers before I was allowed to leave with them. The flowers came in the red vase that you see as the blog picture. It’s been 10 years since that Valentine’s Day, and every year, I put the vase out so that it gets filled again. Many years it’s just sat empty because time or finances didn’t allow for it, but it makes me remember that first Valentine’s Day fondly.
I want to share something I’ve tried over the last year, as a way to reach out to my husband. I call it my “I love you because “emails. He and I delved into that The Love Dare book and so it may well have been something I adapted from it . The idea is that everyday I think of a reason I love my husband and then I send him a quick email with “I love you because” in the subject line. Originally I had wanted to do this to make him feel loved but I began noticing how it was affecting me. Each morning whether I was happy, or irritated, or emotional, I had to come up with something I loved about him. Some days I could come up with something instantly and other mornings it took some time to think. I aspired for them to be unique and timely, so I tried to think of something that he did the day before or a character trait I had recently seen in him. My husband isn’t super mushy, and honestly he probably hasn’t responded to the majority of the emails, but I’ve seen the change that it’s brought to him, in the way he interacts with me. I realized I wasn’t building him up or making him feel loved every day, and although we say “I love you,” as he heads out the door each day, it wasn’t affirming enough of who he was to me. I set an alarm in my phone so that I would remember to send the email each morning. It’s definitely been a seasonal project, and weeks go by where I ignore the alert on my phone because I’m just too busy in the mornings. There have been seasons where I wanted to stop sending them because he wasn’t replying back to the email. I have to remind myself that I’m not doing it for a response, I’m doing it as a way to show love to my husband and to remind myself of the love I have for him.
So I’m throwing it out there to you, go ahead and try out the “I love you because” emails! Keep us informed on how it’s going and how it’s impacting your marriage! I think it’s easy to get caught up in our “mom lives,” and forget that the reason we are mothers is because we first loved our husbands. Let’s reclaim that love in our marriages. Share your “I love you because” ideas with us!